taking off Mårran's cloak.

for a moment...

Down here on the film set, life, my karma, (if you believe in such a thing), is such that I live my life interspersed with episodes of extreme drama. My life is like a small boat trying to find good shelter.

As I write this it is a grey day, with the wind howling and the boats hopefully safely moored in the harbour. I lie covered in a duvet, one that sadly, many ducks had laid down their 'down' for. A sacrifice to keep me warm and snug. Thanks ducks. The weather, and the mood is a big contrast from a few days ago when I spent my time watching life revolve around me. Watching the great and the good strut like peacocks in London's Holland Park. The 'actors' showing to everyone how perfect their lives are here on this film set. Me, I am not a 'pillar of the community, a 'big shot'. I am an observer of act one scene one. I am an 'extra' in this film. I have had my fifteen minutes of fame. I do not have to prove anything. I rest on my laurels. Watching the 'wheels' go by in the car park. Sitting by the waters edge immersed in the moment. Happy. Chatting with a friend, ruminating about Ernest Hemingway, (a writer I have never read) and I sit entranced by the light reflecting off the water. Watching the free ballet performance as the seagulls try to get their next feed from an unwary tourist. Taking in the moment. Watching a rower aimlessly, and awarkedly, row across the azure water. I, for a moment, envied that rower. An emotion that I rarely feel. If my karma had dealt me a better hand I might have been that rower. But be careful what you wish for, for what I know, that boat may have a leak, and although it 'seemed' that the rower was a picture of serenity, the rower may have been in one of the ten worlds, living in their private hell? Living out their karma, and their karma might be even more dramatic than mine?

Later that day, in the 'Fort' I sit happily, engrossed in idle gossip and tales of old. Wishing that I could indulge in my favourite Japanese whiskey. I rarely drink, but maybe next time I will order a shot and give a toast to absent friends, and sadly recently departed.

Thinking back, in many ways, that day was a return to normal, hanging up Mårran's persona for a brief moment. Trundling away from lost souls, and those who, I cannot save from their 'inner demons'. They have to live out their karma. I am not sitting in a confession box, I am not a priest, I cannot absolve sins, real or imagined.

You have to take moments of contentment and friendship, wherever you find them, because life is fleeting and we float on the water riding the crest of the wave, our life is that crest, and sadly that crest becomes engulfed into the sea again, and we must wait to be reborn. Riding the crest of a new wave. So, make the most of friends and good shelter where you can. Take comfort in the small things in life. As you get older you see the value of what we sometimes take for granted.

I don't think I will ever be able to hang up Mårran's cloak forever, that is my karma, and that cloak is my burden to bear alone. It sits there, hanging from a peg by the door. But I really should take heed that rebirth comes from within. You have to take steps to change your karma for the better. You have to open the door to new possibilities and take comfort in your friendships. I often pontificate about life, and pass judgement on those who drift through my 'perview'. It is a very pompous effectation, and I write this because it helps me while away the hours before dawn.
Hopefully I will see a new episode of life emerge. Scene two.

To those whom I pass judgement on realise an important fact, and that is. Who am I to judge? Another bloke rowing aimlessly towards Godot.