Notes from a Melancholic

Regret?

I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both.

Soren Kierkegaard​

And there is the rub life is like that sometimes, and in my time of introspection I am filled with a degree of regret.

Sometimes, in fact often, I wish I could say or do something 'different', the moment passes and I cannot turn back the clock. Boom! Too late.

Often I try to change my Karma. I sit there chanting quietly to myself. Sometimes I wonder if it is all worth it? My resolution is to be a bit more focused in my practice.

Back in the day I wanted to throw holy hand grenades at one of my relatives. He and I had 'issues' and I was probably too wound up in my own world to realize so many things. But my uncle helped me to realize that there was a way for us to be better connected with each other and it sits there on my sideboard, and I chant to this scroll, when the mood takes me.

I have noticed that the nights are definitely drawing in, and just perceivably the trees hue is changing from green to more autumnal shades. Soon it really will be time to use winter garb to go walking, or in my case, trundling into the wilds of Batson Creek or North Sands, weather permitting of course. Even if I do wear gear that was inspired by Swedish polar explorers!

I often think of my uncle Lawrence and I miss his often sage and wise guidance. You should never take people for granted. I never thought that that rather remorseful day would be the last time I saw him alive. You never think that things will end but they do. I often talk about the ebb and flow of life, and it is absolutely certain that the tide will still be doing its stuff long after we are all long forgotten. So be kind to people and try to reveal you buddha nature.

Sometimes I try to figure out why this time of year gets to me, makes me feel a degree of melancholic reflection. Apparently I could never be a monk because I wasn't contemplative enough. Fair play I am not geared up for that malarky and that is that. Full stop.